He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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