grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
