I just threw up on my dentist
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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