theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
