New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
