Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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