Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
