Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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