So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
