Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
