Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
