i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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