i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Randomize
