the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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