would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
