I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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