I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
