I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she peed on how many people?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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