it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
