mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
