The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
