I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
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