Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
