Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
