I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
