Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
im holly from the hills drunk
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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