You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
