I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
