I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
