theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he laminated a picture of his dick.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
