god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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