You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
