Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
A+ Viking dick
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
