lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
