if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
farters have to be the big spoon...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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