You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
