A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
