considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
