my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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