I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
