took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
