i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
