I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
