didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
