she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
