Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
