You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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