I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
