Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
