this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
