Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You are a genius and a whore.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
