if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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