can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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