look no pants
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
