I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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