he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
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Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
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I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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