i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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