My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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