just come out here and I will go home with you...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to convert me to islam
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize