Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
