you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
