It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
