We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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