4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
