Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
