It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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