That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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