wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
