I'm going to jail i love you
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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