Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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