I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
