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We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
