Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize