I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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